Caregiving style

Your caregiving style is how you respond when someone you love is suffering — the giving side of close relationships. Attachment theory pairs the familiar attachment system (seeking comfort) with a caregiving behavioural system (providing it). Research on couples (Kunce & Shaver, 1994; Collins & Feeney, 2000) maps the support people give along proximity, sensitivity and cooperation, finding that a secure, responsive style can give way to over-giving, keeping distance, or taking control. Where your attachment style asks how you reach for care, this asks how you offer it.

The caregiving behavioural system is a well-researched counterpart to the attachment system, governing how we give care rather than seek it. Kunce and Shaver (1994) and Collins and Feeney (2000) measured individual differences in caregiving along proximity, sensitivity and cooperation; insecure caregiving is commonly described as either over-involved (hyperactivating) or distant (deactivating). These named styles summarise those research dimensions. (Caregiving behavioural system in attachment theory (Kunce & Shaver, 1994; Collins & Feeney, 2000))

Groups

• Secure / responsive — You read what someone actually needs and offer well-timed, sensitive support — a safe haven when they hurt and a secure base when they're ready to cope again. You help without taking over or losing yourself.
• Anxious / overinvolved — You give a great deal of care — sometimes more than is asked — and find it hard to step back. Driven partly by your own worry, you can become over-involved in a loved one's problems (a hyperactivating, compulsive pattern).
• Avoidant / distant — Other people's distress feels uncomfortable, so you keep some distance. You tend to offer practical fixes over emotional closeness and provide less support when leaned on (a deactivating pattern).
• Controlling / directive — Your care is well-meant but directive: you take charge and apply your own solution rather than asking what the other person wants, sometimes overriding their wishes (low on cooperation, high on control).

References

• Kunce, L. J., & Shaver, P. R. (1994). An attachment-theoretical approach to caregiving in romantic relationships. In K. Bartholomew & D. Perlman (Eds.), Advances in Personal Relationships, Vol. 5: Attachment Processes in Adulthood (pp. 205–237). London: Jessica Kingsley
• Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2000). A safe haven: An attachment theory perspective on support seeking and caregiving in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(6), 1053–1073
• Collins, N. L., & Ford, M. B. (2010). Responding to the needs of others: The caregiving behavioral system in intimate relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(2), 235–244

Related topics

• Parenting style
• Parenthood
• Who you care for
• What you most want to nurture
• Schooling you favour

All topics on ArtaQuest